Taking time and making time

I've been thinking a lot about time recently, and how it passes so fast. Alex from Larkspur Vintage has just published a post about it that resonated with me and I thought I'd share my part, too.

I wake up every day with an intention to make the most of it, and at the end, no matter what goal I set for myself, I keep feeling like I did not do very well. There are so many things right now that I have to take care of, and it's not easy to juggle it all. I don't have a full time job in a common sense of the word, which may suggest that I have a lot of time on my hands while in reality I am struggling to actually get some work done, the work that I want to do and need to do. It's hard for people to wrap their heads around it, I guess, when I don't have an employer and only get a comission or two from time to time, and I've decided I want to work for myself, making clothes and selling them in the future (there, I said it, it's out there now, there's no turning back). I need to find time to make those clothes, and that is a lot of time which I have a hard time explaining. Especially when there are so many other things that are important too. I have a hard time saying "sorry, I can't do it this week" because it feels ungrateful and impolite. I do have a very hard time saying "no". I have no problem with people telling me they have to cancel. I take things easy because I know how life is and that things can happen out of the blue. But that's just when it comes to others and I can't seem to be able to apply this kind of leniency towards myself.

In a week, there are regular things like sewing and taking care of my family which usually takes one or two full days, and running a household (at which I am not really good anyway) and caring for our two dogs and a cat and trying to squeeze in some quality time with my boyfriend and also keeping this blog that I put a lot of effort into, and I dread to count how much time it consumes, together with all the invisible parts like writing and answering emails and keeping in touch with my readers. Then there are the irregular, special things like working on comission from time to time just to make any amount of money and organizing my photography workshops and making time for friends who want to meet up (I've just realized I'd put meeting my friends into "irregular, special things" category... yikes.) and taking care of random events like yesterday, when my neighbor, a lovely lady who knows I sew, practically begged me to mend her cardigan. Try to squeeze that in one week, fail... and I don't feel like I've earned a weekend off because there is always something missing: like I didn't manage to visit my Granny last week, even though she's been miserable, and I didn't get any sewing done this week, although I've really tried to make it work, but instead I met with my Mum and Dad and did major cleaning which is also good... but maybe not as productive as I'd like to. I think I'm everwhelmed and need to learn to prioritize better.

Then there happen a few hours in a day like when we were taking these photos and the weather was beautiful and we had our heads filled with fun ideas, and it all felt good and like my duties and chores were non-existant. Then here I am today, writing this post for the last hour (yes, I am an incredibly slow writer), and wondering if I should have just left it at the happy photos and called it a day, and go do something else instead. I'm actually close to deleting this whole rambling in fear of oversharing but I guess since I've just spent all this time on writing, I better leave it be. Time is so precious.